The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Fun and Exciting Male Chastity Lifestyle

the thinking womans guide to a fun and exciting male chastity lifestyle
Nine times out of ten, or maybe 99 times out of 100, it is the man who brings up the idea of male chastity and his fantasy of being denied.

The woman’s reaction will vary…. from complete disgust…. to obvious disinterest…. maybe mild curiosity…. all the way to emphatic embracement.

No wonder it can be nerve wracking for a guy to broach the subject of male
chastity to his partner.

Her reaction will make or break his day!

Keep in mind that he would not have brought it up if it wasn’t important to him, so it’s a good idea for the woman to keep her wits (if she possibly can!) and carefully consider her initial reaction.

The smart approach is to calm down, collect her feelings and then suggest a time for a lengthy sit-down discussion.

A short ‘on-the-spot’ superficial little chat will NOT do the subject of male chastity proper justice!

Scheduling the discussion for later will buy her some time to not only reflect on his desires, but allow some time to do some preliminary research into male chastity, so she has a better idea as to what she’s dealing with.

During the sit-down discussion, it’s best to let him do most of the talking while she encourages him to bare his deepest and darkest secrets.

Listening and asking questions will give her some valuable insights into what is actually going on here.

Her final question to him should be….

WIIFM…. (what’s in it for ME!)

She should listen to his answer VERY carefully as it will help her out later.

Time For Some R&R

No, not rest and relaxation. If you’re a woman that chooses to embrace a male chastity lifestyle, there will be plenty of opportunity for that later on.

R&R in this case stands for ‘research’ and ‘reflection’.

This 2nd step to living a male chastity lifestyle is all about the woman doing her due diligence, rolling up her sexy silk sleeves, and doing some research as to what makes her man ‘tick’.

The more she can get inside his head and find out what he really wants and
needs, the better this lifestyle will work for both them.

chastity bitch

A little investigation into the mind of the man who craves being put into a chastity device and denied will reveal something very important to the woman.

She needs to realize that if she doesn’t have a mean streak in her now, it will serve her (and him) well to allow the cruel side of herself to blossom.

In order to deal with all of the bullshit that will soon be coming forth from him, it will be mandatory for her to be (at times), tough minded, mean and yes….

…. even somewhat of a bitch.

While her research will enlighten her to all of his male chastity fantasies, she will need to adopt a tough-minded attitude in order to effectively use those
fantasies to her benefit.

Now for the 2nd part of the R&R…. reflection.

It’s time for her to reflect on his answers to WIIFM.

He undoubtedly gave her some excellent ideas as to what she will get out of the tedious task of training him to be locked away in male chastity.

But his ideas are just a start. What about HER deepest and darkest desires?

How will she benefit from this arrangement?

She should take some serious time to reflect on this as it will come in handy

She Makes the Rules!

Now we’re getting to the fun part…. where she gets to make up the rules.

Okay…. You’ve had your sit-down with each other.

She’s finished with her research assignment.

Now it’s time to make up the rules as to how you’re going to play the male chastity game.

Although he’s got plenty of ideas of his own for ‘rules’ as to how he would like all of this to play out, in order for a male chastity lifestyle to work seamlessly over the long term….

she makes the rules

…. there can really only be one rule-maker.


It’s just the best way to make this male chastity thing work.

In coming up with a set of rules, she will of course take into consideration his male chastity fantasies that he revealed to her during their initial discussion.

She will also factor in the information she uncovered during the research phase.

The reflection time she spent on sorting out her fantasies and desires will also play a major part in making up an appropriate set of rules.

But the first rule of male chastity and the most important is this one….

Every subsequent rule made by her is to be followed explicitly and directly by him with Absolutely no questions asked or allowed.

If he can’t deal with this over-riding theme of Female Supremacy, FemDom, FLR, D/s, Female Keyholder or whatever you prefer to call it, then she simply refuses to be involved any further and expects no further mention by him of male chastity.

It’s imperative that she holds ALL of the cards for this game to work.

There can be absolutely no exceptions, wiggle room, backsliding, second-guessing or topping from the bottom.

None of that bullshit!

This ONE rule firmly and succinctly sets the tone and direction for a fulfilling, fun and exciting male chastity experience.

From then on, she makes as many or as few rules as she wants. She can add, delete, change or modify any rule, anytime at her whim…. with no prior notice.

If she’s in a benevolent mood, she can even entertain suggestions from him as to the nature of the rules.

This predominant position puts her in a place of prodigious power.

And this level of power will pay off in BIG benefits.

Time For Lockdown Mode

There are many factors you should consider when looking to buy a male chastity device.

» Type: chastity cage or belt?
» Material: plastic, leather or metal?
» Security: used with a piercing or without
» Custom made to order or off the shelf?
» Price?
» Manufacturer: reliable customer support

Let’s go over these considerations, one-by-one.

lock down

If this will be your first chastity device, it’s best to stick with a cage type. Chastity belts are very secure and look sexy but they do have their drawbacks.

They are usually custom made so will take longer to receive, plus they are on the expensive side. A chastity belt can also be harder to hide under certain types of clothing.

As far as material, leather looks sexy but is not very secure (it can be cut easily) and is not particularly hygienic.

Metal is definitely sexy looking and usually quite secure. But devices made from metal are obviously heavier, harder to get used to, and pose a problem with airport security.

Plastic is the way to go when first starting out.

Most chastity cages, whether made from metal or plastic are pretty damn secure! Although there are men who can finagle their way out of them, my experience has been that when properly fitted, they won’t be coming off without a key.

For added security, many modern chastity devices can be used with or without a penis piercing.

Custom made chastity cages are typically of the belt variety or made from metal. Like I mentioned above, they are usually expensive and can take quite a while to receive. Also, initial measurements are critical to achieve a good fit.

Off the shelf chastity devices come with different sizes of rings and spacers that will ensure a good fit. It is usually necessary to experiment with different combinations of spacers and rings to come up with a comfortable fitting device.

As far as price goes, an off the shelf, plastic chastity cage such as the very popular CB-6000, while not cheap, is well within the budget of most.

You can find cheaper, Chinese knock-offs on Amazon but the quality is NOT to be trusted…. they crack and break a lot.

On the other hand, custom chastity devices can get quite expensive and are best left for when your chastity lifestyle has been allowed to season a bit.

Male chastity is becoming more popular all the time which brings more designers and manufactures into the arena with new and innovative products.

These manufacturers can come and go like the wind so it’s always wise to pick a chastity device made by  a company who has been around for awhile in case you need customer support or replacement parts and accessories.

There is a reason devices like the CB-6000 are so popular.

It’s affordable, secure, comfortable and hygienic!

Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as ordering a male chastity device, locking him up and embarking on a fun and exciting male chastity lifestyle.

There is a critical process that must be carefully navigated before the mayhem can begin.

This is what you’ve been waiting for? Your male chastity device has arrived
and you cannot wait to get started.

Break Him in…. Slowly but Surely

Whoa boy (or girl). Take a deep breath, relax and read what I have to say on this matter.

Before wildly embarking on this male chastity adventure it’s necessary for an
adjustment period….

…. a physical and emotional one. He needs to be slowly but surely, ‘broken in’.

First, take a little time and make sure you get a good fit, not too tight, not too loose, but just right.

Once that’s done, lock him up for 24 straight hours.

After a day, you’ll both have a good idea as to how things are fitting down there. A little initial discomfort along with some minor pinching is to be expected.

No big deal, at least not for the keyholder anyway.

Any major discomfort can now be dealt with at this time. A larger ring, a different sized spacer, shaving the genitals, applying lotion.

Now go for another 24 hours. If everything is hunky-dory (aside from the minor chafing, pinching, etc.) then it’s time to go for 72 continuous hours (Yes, 3 full DAYS!) in lock-down mode.

pierced dick

He will now be getting used to and/or moving beyond any minor discomfort.

He will soon find it more practical to sit down on the toilet and pee like a girl.

He will get used to the feeling of not being able to touch his dick.

He will begin to experience a yearning feeling deep inside his balls (as well as his mind) that comes with sexual denial.

The next phase is to remove the chastity cage, re-shave, re-lube, re-adjust rings and spacers and lock him back up for seven straight days!

This is the phase where any final physical adaptations will take place and more importantly, where the psychological process begins.

This is where the fantasy begins to morph into reality.

He now will be getting what he asked for and begins the transformation from a macho
man to a compliant and devoted husband or boyfriend.

Seven continuous days of no whining, complaining or cumming marks the point when your relationship is ready to take on a new level of meaning.

It’s now time to make a very BIG decision!

Now that he’s adapted, both physically and mentally, to being locked up for seven straight days, he’s proven that he can ‘handle’ things.

The BIG Decision

In order to set the proper ‘tone’ of how the relationship is to eventually evolve, a mandatory (and lengthy) lock-up and denial period will have to be agreed upon and then strictly enforced.

This ‘conditioning phase’ is necessary so that both partners are fully committed to the idea that male chastity is no longer just a fantasy or a mere game, but a lifestyle decision to be taken seriously.

This ‘lock-down’ phase should be anywhere from a month (bare minimum), to a full year. Three months seems to be the ‘sweet spot’ for most couples.

This may sound like ‘harsh’ treatment but is absolutely necessary in order to instill the proper mindset in the male.

locked up

This lengthy stretch of total denial will also empower her to be tough-minded during some tough times.

She will also use this time to thoroughly train him to sexually please her without the use of his now caged-up cock.

He will become adept at transmuting his feelings of frustration and denial into the satisfaction of providing for her needs and desires.

During this training period, it’s wise to tease him un-mercifully in conjunction with verbal humiliation and an occasional whipping session, if she’s into that.

Nothing can approach the emotional intensity of her being licked to orgasm-after-orgasm by a locked-up and denied male right after he’s being worked over with a riding crop.

At the end of the ‘conditioning phase’, she will have elevated herself to a position of complete control and power while he….

…. will have learned to happily (for the most part) take on the role of a subservient sexual slave.

At the end of this period of lock-down and denial, his input into matters will no longer be necessary.

She may ask for his thoughts, but it’s now all about her! She makes all the
rules and he simply answers, “yes Dear”.

His ‘Cumming Out’ Party

He is now perfectly primed and positioned for his first release in quite some time.

It’s been soooo long since he’s experienced an orgasm. Perhaps maybe a wet dream, but that doesn’t really count now, does it?

A firm benchmark has now been established within the relationship.

He’s proven (with her help) that he can endure a long period of sexual denial, all the while attending to her ever escalating sexual desires.

Denying a man while you are free to experience sexual ecstasy is an incredible turn-on and power rush for a woman.

She, on the other hand, has become capable of maintaining a disdainful demeanor to his ‘predicament’ all the while providing him with the necessary ‘guidance’ (which can sometimes be cruel and humiliating) without flinching.

But now that he has ‘paid his penance’ and she had become sufficiently empowered, it is time for her to decide on how his future orgasms will be ‘managed’.

The first area to consider is how often he should be allowed to cum.

no erection allowed

Most women opt for a set time interval…. but it should never be more often than every two weeks!

Once per month is better. In my experience, once every two to three months is optimal.

Some keyholder’s choose to keep their men guessing; orgasms are allowed only at her whim, and he never knows when that might be.

That sounds quite cruel but some women get off on the look on a male’s face when she leads him to believe that the time is near, only to change her mind at the very last minute.

This tactic is suitable for women who prefer to emotionally ‘break’ a man down and render him as a mere shell of his former self.

For most women, this is ‘over-the-top’ and they prefer to let their man hold onto a portion of his self-dignity so that he can still function effectively out in the ‘real’ world.

And then there are women who prefer performance based or ‘earned’ orgasms.

An ejaculation can be conditional upon completing chores, performing tasks, maintaining proper behavior standards, losing weight, hers-to-his orgasm ratios (100:1), chastity games, etc.

One important thing to remember; the time between orgasms can always be extended because of ‘bad’ behavior on his part.

Once the woman has established a fair frequency for his orgasms, she must then decide on HOW he will be achieving these rare (to him) ejaculations.

This is where things get incredibly fun but quite spicy and dicey.

We Now Know the WHEN…. What About the HOW?

Now it’s time to consider how he will be cumming. This is the fun part, especially for her.

After going through the ‘conditioning phase’ he has had plenty of time away from regular intercourse. If she has a penchant for penetrative sex, a dildo or a strap-on (for him) solves that issue.

She may decide that his days of fucking are over. No big deal for her since she has the options above at her disposal.

Many women choose to deny the male the privilege of traditional intercourse as a matter of principle.

It is quite common for a woman holding the key to insist that any of his orgasms are of the humiliating variety.

masturbate him

I have a friend who handcuffs her husband’s hands behind his back and then just tells him to go for it.

He inevitably winds up humping the hardwood floor in the kitchen, then meekly licks up his mess afterwards.

I’ve heard of one woman who has her man hump one of her girlfriend’s legs while she hurls degrading insults his way.

Other women are particularly amused by, and have become masters of, the ruined orgasm.

One particularly cruel acquaintance of mine insists on performing an emasculating prostrate milking in front of a girlfriend, boyfriend or sometimes both.

I’ve witnessed a pro-domme at a party order a man to polish a pretty girl’s high heeled boot with his cum, followed by his tongue, while she whipped his ass from
behind with a riding crop.

My favorite? Instructing him to cum on her ass followed by a thorough tongue
clean up. Ummmm.

It can also be exciting to incorporate some sort of ‘dice’ or ‘spin-the-wheel’ type of game, leaving the matter of ‘if he gets to cum’ and the manner in which he does it, up to pure chance.

You’re really only limited by your kinky and perverse imagination.

Now that you’ve both settled in and become comfortable with your personalized version of a male  chastity lifestyle, it’s time to reflect on an extremely important matter.

Once everything has been set-up properly within a male chastity lifestyle, everything should now be smooth sailing.

Not So Fast

The reality of enforced male chastity typically does not measure up to the fantasy he once had about it.

The fantasy was much more erotic than the stark reality of constant denial and severely limited orgasms.

Now that he’s securely locked up, with no release on the horizon, second thoughts on this course of events begin to haunt him.

But it’s a completely different story for her!

The reality of male chastity for the woman is much more powerful and fulfilling than the initial fantasy ever was.

At first, it was about his fantasy. Now it’s all about her reality.

Now that she holds the key to his manhood and has the situation well under control, she can’t understand why she was ever hesitant to begin this in the first place.

Sure, she has had to initially expend some major time, energy and effort with all of the rule setting, conditioning, attention to detail, discipline and compliance issues.

To be honest, this is no small feat and is NOT for a weak willed woman!

But she will have emerged from the back-end of this process with superior self-confidence and complete sexual liberation.

He, on the other hand, has relinquished his ability to orgasm, something so importantly powerful that he can’t help but wonder if he has made the right choice.

He will, at some point, inevitably began to start ‘missing’ his frequent orgasms, the ones he had become so addicted to for most of his adult life.

long term chastity

If she acquiesces to this inherent weakness that resides within most all males, the lifestyle that they have expended so much effort to build, will began to fold like a cheap lawn chair.

When the subject rears it’s ugly head, she will need to firmly put her high heeled foot down and say NO!

There can be no going back. She is living the perfect, pampered life that she deserves while he, for maybe the first time in his life, has found some real peace, even though it’s of the frustrating variety.

If he continues to complain and have regrets about his situation (the one, by the way, he so desperately lobbied for) she has several options, including but not limited to….

» institute a policy of permanent orgasm denial » increase his chore/work load by 50%

» a severe cock caning or whipping session
» make an appointment to have his penis pierced
» discontinuance of all male chastity activities
» threaten to leave the relationship

Any unreasonable demands on his part should be firmly countered with strict
and swift consequences.

It’s really only matter of time when she will need to draw a bold line in the sand and not put up with any questioning of her authority.

Consider this to be an honest and fair representation of possible ‘fall-out’ issues when embarking on a male chastity lifestyle.

Male Chastity is NOT For Every Couple

To successfully incorporate it within a relationship, both partners will need to have the courage to move beyond traditional sexual and romantic roles that are played out by most couples.

Social conditioning, as it pertains to relationships, is powerful stuff and can lead to feelings of guilt, fear and inadequacy where none should ever exist.

Both men and women instinctively know who they are at a ‘gut’ level. Being in tune with that inner knowledge and living your life exactly how you want, results in true happiness and freedom.

If you’re a guy who is sick and tired of being in control all of the time, then maybe it’s time to let go.

If you truly adore a woman and enjoy treating her like a Princess, elevating her pleasure above yours, then go for it.

male chastity chores

If you’re a woman who would like to see how it feels to ‘turn the tables’ and be the one who wields the power in a relationship, why not give male chastity a try.

Freeing yourself from ALL household duties (or just the ones you dislike) while experiencing exquisite sexual ecstasy, precisely the way you want it, when you want it, cannot be adequately expressed in words.

A man that can provide all of that for her, and then some, will evoke emotions that will reverberate all the way down to his inner core.

Training a male to accept his new life of being denied is a fun, frustrating (at times), and extremely rewarding endeavor. You will need to get a chastity device early on in the training process.


  • joe j dove

    Semen Ice Cubes, conditioned response and subliminals?
    I have developed some unusual techniques in conditioned response that have made me serve my wife better. Rather than type them again here, you can see them at my personal blog. I don’t know if they allow links here. It is servingelizabeth on tumblr or you can see the link on my profile. If you want to see what my results were check it out. I like to experiment and I am not selling anything.

  • Sandra

    I’ll try to say this as respectfully as possible, because the man who wrote this article obviously put a lot of time and thought into this. I’m a forty something married woman who is doing some research because my husband approached me with the idea of chastity play. I applaud his courage. It’s not easy for a man to disclose his fantasies, even to a woman he’s been married to for 20 years. I’m willing to play this game with him because I love him and I want our sex life to stay happy and exciting. That being said, whoever writes these articles really needs to reevaluate how to convince the average woman in the real world. If a guy is really interested in “serving ” and “worshipping ” his partner, then he needs to take into account what his lady needs, too. Two or three months without regular intercourse? Give me a break. My sex drive isn’t what it was before menopause, but I still want real sex with a real flesh and blood dick. Oral is nice for a bit of foreplay, toys are okay if there’s no other option, but some of us girls actually like penetrative sex with real genitalia. This article emphasizes “YOU MAKE THE RULES “. That is, as long as your rules include playing into his unrealistic fantasy of three months of tongue sessions. Can we say “topping from the bottom “? Fantasies are okay. Kinkyness is okay. Sex play is okay, but if you want your partner to play, articles like this will make the average woman just roll her eyes and take an Advil.

    Have fun guys, and try to think about how to compromise a little, and adjust your fantasies to truly serve your wife, if that’s what flicks your switch.

    • Den

      I like to play sudoku, and have a great app for it. The app will give hints if you ask for them. I also like crossword puzzles, and have an app for them too which will give you hints if you ask. I’ve met people who claim that hints are cheating.

      I understand your viewpoint. But, as I tell the people who think I’m cheating, this is MY puzzle and I’ll solve it my way … buzz off. There is no right way to do keyholder, with one and only one exception. That exception is: the way you and husband WANT to do it. I won’t say ignore all outside advice, but take it in the spirit of, “you know, this tip here would work for me (or for us), but that tip is horrible and never going to happen. Filter all you hear and read through a large pile of salt and your own feelings. Adopt what sounds good, reject anything that doesn’t sound good, and try things that YOU think could possibly work, and you can make it work for you.

    • Frank Wegener

      Hey Sandra,
      great post there – although very disappointing to me (male, in my mid-forties and nourishing phantasies of chastity and cuckoldry). To me this website beats any porn I could imagine – and by far. I’ve been dreaming of committing my whole existence to a lady who holds the sole key to something that used to be my secret and private intimacy since I’ve been about eleven years old. I’ve always loved to masturbate secretly, and there was never a lack of opportunity. My wife doesn’t know about that, and I would rather bite my own tongue off than admit it. She is convinced that I’m just a lazy lover, while I often prefer to take matters into my own hand. It’s just so much easier … Putting an end to that by giving her total control over my orgasms would certainly change me. I bet she could even have more sex with me than now. Even if it’s only every other week it would mean much more sex for her and many less orgasms for me compared to the present state of things.

      But you have a point. Licking a woman to orgasm is rather another male phantasy. Most women I’ve been with think just like you: It’s quite nice as foreplay, but nothing to stand for itself. And rubber toys are a sad substitute for most women. That’s another thing men have a hard time to understand. You can choose the size of your dildo, an when it’s a strap-on model the guy wears – what’s the difference? The difference is that the strap-on never turns into a little lump with the consistency of limp chewing gum in the middle of the fun, and it doesn’t cum after half a minute of penetration. Still … women don’t see it that way.

      And then there is another point. Only few women have it in them to treat the man they love as cruel as most men with chastity phantasies want to be treated. When your husband starts treating you even better than once upon a time when your love was all new – then why would you want to treat him like it all doesn’t mean much to you? He’ll give you all this affection, treat you like a goddess, starts to fulfill wishes you didn’t even realize you had … You’ll feel an urge to pay him back with romance and all your love, and not slap him in the face, because he didn’t make it to clean up the kitchen in time after cooking your favorite meal for you. Even though you know in your head the most unfair treatment is exactly what he’s craving for, your heart will tell you you’re an evil person being unthankful and disrespecting. It’s human nature and very hard to overcome. Nobody wants to feel like a cruel and evil person.

      That’s why I think that most of what’s on this site only works for very few couples. Women who discover a sadistic streak inside of them and don’t give much for penetrative sex with their husbands will really live great lifes with men in chastity. For the great majority this lifestyle won’t work.

    • Philotes_toy

      Have real sex, the more the better… Just don’t let him cum!

      • Peter

        This. My wife trained me to be able to hold my ejaculation, so I am able to penetrate her and she can have her orgasm the way she likes it and we can still enjoy the lifestyle. I have to admit the moment I heard the words “now, get out” for the first time I couldn’t avoid releasing a huge load just out of the excitement it caused, but since then I’ve learned a lot.

    • Mark

      Hi Sandra
      Not all women are the same after menopause, my wife is pretty much the opposite to you. Since menopause she finds having penetrative sex very uncomfortable/painful to the point she would rather not have sex at all and lets not forget about the almost guaranteed urinary tract infection that follows.

      For the above reasons we haven’t had sex this year, while on holiday last week she asked if i had packed the lube and condoms to which i answered no i didn’t think i would need them, so i bought both items.
      I know that she loves receiving oral which has always been a big part of our activities so after she had cum and i didn’t move for the lube and condoms she asked if i was going to fuck her.

      I said as much as i would love to i wasn’t going to. She asked why to which i said i am well aware that she doesn’t really enjoy it anymore and i didn’t want to cause her the discomfort during and after the sex.. I told her i would prefer to have sex and never get to cum than not have sex at all.

      She said she felt bad that i didn’t cum. I told her don’t feel bad it was my choice.
      While i am in anyway interested in the various humiliating activities mentioned in the above article i am a willing participant in this male chastity for a number of reasons, one being i want to see how long i can last..

  • Proto

    I’m a guy who wants to try chastity in order to achieve full anal orgasm. I find most of what was written here to be pretty revolting… but I’m also a man with a big dick who has never had issues pleasing a woman with my cock.

    I will tell you one thing though, if a woman ever did to me… half of the shit that you are describing. I’d probably kill her. So keep that in mind when running with your feminist fantasies.

    But then again… I’m only into subbing for men, and they wouldn’t be selfish or disgusting enough to be so cruel to their lovers.

    So yes… I will go hunting for a feminist, fuck her brutally… ruin her life and then serve her up to niggers to be given AIDS… because that is what you deserve.

  • ren

    proto – in one line you suggest people shouldn’t do “cruel and disgusting” things to their lovers…. but then say you’re going to hunt down a feminist to (presumably) rape her, ruin her life, and “serve her up to n**gers to be given aids”. that’s more cruel and disgusting than anything in this article, not to mention stupidly racist. it’s idiots like you that give men a bad name.

  • CuckyXXs

    Cuckolding solves the argument of Sandra but still the women has to want to do this. My wife did after there years of just fantasies about it and now she has experience with four man. This lover is a stayer though and I’m loving it the more.

  • You article implies that women should punish their men’s/husbands/bfs but, many women may only reluctantly if at all strike or punish their guys.

    Your Thinking Man should add a few paragraphs to address this shortcoming?

  • Chrissy

    Chastity is a state of mind! Guys, just think about how difficult it is not to play with or even touch yourself in the shower!?

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